Graduation Day - 30 Weeks

The doctor said the baby is officially past the window of risk for heartbeat blockage, so today was my last high-risk doctor's appointment (knock on wood). He actually gave us a picture today, something he rarely does. I think the baby has a naughty little look. Gosh, I can't wait to hold him! The days are marching on to the end of the school year, and I am still without a guaranteed position at my current school. No one is hiring. The baby's due date is the first day I will not have a paycheck. Everyone is saying to enjoy the time off, and that it's a good thing that I will not have a job so I can spend time with the baby, but I can't help but feel like a bad mother who doesn't have a job to support her baby she is bringing into the world. In the mean time, I am looking for a job, but it's hard to look for a job for four months from now. People either would want me to start soon or when the baby is due, and it's a little difficult planning wise. Sometimes I wish I never gave up my tenure, but losing three hours of one's day driving or commuting, and having a bay between the baby and me would not be worth it. Still, the postings are slim, and I don't know what to do with myself.