Due Date

When we were young, we stood in front of our lockers and you held my hand, encircled in yours and blew your warm breath into my palms. I was always cold. I was suddenly reminded of this when days before our first child's due date, you massaged my swollen feet and blew on them to cool me. Today marks 40 weeks of pregnancy for us. So far the day is passing with no sign of the baby coming. He is even moving his bottom back and forth at the top of my belly, as if to tease us that "he's not co-ming ou-out. Na-na-na-na-na-na."

I am a tightly wound ball of anxiety who can't wait to hold our son, but is trying to cherish the last quiet evenings and mornings with you. Years from now these days that are passing so slowly will seem so short.

So tonight, we'll still keep trying any old wives' tale that we've been offered to induce labor. We'll watch the Giants game and see Willie McCovey celebrate his 30th anniversary of his first start where he went 4 for 4. The cat will beg to lick our ice cream bowl and denied, fall asleep on the ottoman. We will have gone for a long walk and seen a meadow full of ground squirrels. You'll plant things in the garden and say "okay" to anything I ask or want, because I'm pregnant, and these are my last days to be spoiled. A picture Gabbie drew of our soon-to-be family, complete with each member wearing a Giants shirt, will hang on our fridge.

By this time next week, if the baby hasn't come, we will be in a room in Kaiser Walnut Creek having labor induced and by the end of that weekend, we'll be "officially" parents. Our lives will change forever, and I will take comfort in the fact that you were that boy blowing his warm breath in my hands when we were just kids.

That you were that boy I used to watch sleep on the bus on the way back from band reviews. That you were that man waiting for me at a restaurant after not seeing me for six years who loved me again. That you were that man in whose arms I crumbled when we stood at the feet of my brother when he left the world. The man who would kiss away my crazy hormonal pregnant woman tears and tell me that I am always beautiful. The man who will stand next to me when our son comes into the world. I am so excited for what is to come, and I am so thankful that we have one another and have loved each other through so much. Remember that in case I turn into a demon in the delivery room.