Right now I am, as I have been, for maybe the last three months, rocking back and forth with a baby boy strapped to my chest with the Moby wrap while the White Noise app hisses in the background. I don't know if I created this sleep association, or if it is just what worked for the baby one day, and so I haven't wanted to rock the boat. Sooner than I know it, I will be working again, and things are going to have to change.
I have always had high anxiety around change, especially now that I feel like I have a rhythm and a happy baby. I have read umpteen books about sleep training and I still lack the faith that this is going to work, or that something is not going to get lost between Baby and I. I am a chronic worrier that needs to psych herself up for such a process. I'm imagining myself doing the progressive checks, watching my baby boy screaming his head off and not allowing myself to console him, and I am dreading it to say the least. I tried letting him cry it out when he was three months for about a week and it didn't work. Ferber says it probably didn't work because I did it cold turkey. Our pediatrician says it didn't work because one shouldn't even mention "sleep training" until a baby is at least 4 1/2 months. After the holidays, it's go time. Maybe he will surprise me and it will be easier than I imagine.
We have a unique sleeping problem that most books don't cater to. Bedsharing is tolerable. I wouldn't say it's ideal, but it's okay. I practice baby wearing for naps and for fussy times, which I don't mind at all, except that I am going back to work and don't want care providers to have to wear him all day long when those care providers are going to be our moms. I have gotten a lot of expected criticism from family members and well meaning friends about wearing Lucas in the Moby or in slings, but for the record, I have no problem with it. I think it's good for him and it works for me. Sure, it can be inconvenient, but when have babies been convenient? And we have no problem with strollers (I am not Maggie Gyllenhaal in Away We Go. He goes in them just fine, too. When people say that he is "too attached," they say it as if being "detached" is the right thing for a mother and baby. There will be plenty of times for him to be detached from me when he is a surly emo teenager. And trust me, I teach high school. I am cherishing these days.
I have lost 45 pounds including the 20 pounds I gained during my pregnancy. Husband calls the baby my personal trainer because he is napping four hours a day in the Moby wrap, breastfeeding and basically demanding my full attention 24 hours a day. I've never gotten much deep sleep and now is no exception. I was also strolling him for an hour a day when the weather was better for one of his naps to give my back a rest. I know one thing is for certain, that I am not going to look back and regret spending all this time doing these things with him because when he is rolling his eyes at me and asking to be dropped off a block away from school, I'll have all these memories with him. You only have an infant first child once.
1 comment:
Good for you. A mother's instinct ios all you need. Who cares what other people's opinions are about your child's sleep habits, right? Graham sleeps in our bed. I love it. Sometimes he sleeps in the cradle in our room. Sleeps in the swing for naps. Or the bed. It's always different. He hated the moby wrap from day one. Is totally content laying on a blanket on his own. I think babies just have their own way of doing things and it's up to us to discover what that is, right? Sounds like you're doing great.
Also, I have a friend who had colicky babies and she never did the "let them cry it out" method and they sleep like angels. She said if anyone needs advice she's got plenty to share. Here is where she talks about it on her blog: http://winkelclan.blogspot.com/2009/10/putting-babe-to-sleep.html. I'm going to ask her what she did to get them to sleep on their own and I'll let you know what she says. I obviously haven't tried it yet, but I'm not interested in the "cry it out" method. We'll see.
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